This topic has been occupying a lot of my mind lately, and not just because I am human and have instinctual impulses. No, my thoughts on the subject of sex have been more intellectual than physical. They come out of two situations I currently find myself in.
The first concerns my friend. I met David about two years ago because he worked with my best friend, Kay. They formed a deep friendship, so as it sometimes goes, their friendship carried over into ours. The three of us have spent most of the past year involved in a large and public project so I feel like he is an integral part of my family’s lives. Kay and David are Christians. More specifically, Southern Baptists. They are very involved in their faith, but I have a hard time pinning them down on admitting they share their denomination’s literal interpretation of the Bible.
So when I found out that David, at 35, was a virgin I was very surprised. He believes he is following his god’s commands by abstaining from sex until marriage. Of course I think this is crazy. Full-out mind-blowingly insane. But after my initial shock when I first found out, I really didn’t put much thought into it. Until now. You see, David is getting married this summer. To a woman he just met. To a woman I didn’t even know existed until weeks ago. To a woman who got a divorce LAST WEEK. To a woman who lives 400 miles away.
I am really upset about this situation, for I believe it to be a recipe for disaster. David thinks he is completely in love, and perhaps he is. He also believes that his god threw his fiancé in his path just like a lightning bolt because he prayed for a relationship. He believes their relationship is specially blessed and he will remain a virgin until their wedding night, even though that will be impossible for her.
I think David is horny and delusional. I think he has placed an unhealthy shield over his sexuality. I think marrying someone you don’t know intimately is ridiculous. Hell, after 35 years I doubt he knows his own sexuality, let alone doing the hard (but no denying fun) work of discovering hers. I fear for their future. I have discussed it thoroughly with Kay, who also believes they shouldn’t be getting married, but Kay, also being Christian, believes David and his fiancé’s faith will keep them together. I’m sad because I know that all the prayers in the world won’t save this marriage if they aren’t ready to do the necessary and hard work of getting to know and understand each other. Because I know exactly where all these prayers are headed. Into thin air.