The churning of the blades may be slightly softer; muffled as they are by the window panes. Still, after living between two bases for 5 years you know the difference between Medevac and a military copter.  You know which one to fear when you’re the mother of a teen driver.

 You know you’re fully deconverted when it’s 1:30 am, Husband is out of town and you’ve texted your daughter 3 times, waited a few painful minutes, then called her 4 simultaneous times and in between your 5th and 6th attempt you find yourself not praying, but getting dressed.

You know the violent swing from panic to rage when she does answer will eventually result in complete exhaustion. You are conscious of the decrescendo of the wing whirl and you appreciate the anonymous heroes battling to save the life of a victim that tonight will, thankfully, also remain anonymous.

You know from the ache of your bursting heart when she finally walks through the door that any story that tries to camouflage eternal damnation with unconditional love is absurd.

You know the intensity of this night will fade as the sun rises. You hope it will be many years before she fully understands this particular sort of panic.  And you know, no matter what you do, adulthood continues its stealth approach…


About Brick Window

A mother and an atheist--Just trying to do the best I can in a suburb full of believers.
This entry was posted in Fear. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Foxhole

  1. fribnit says:

    beautifully written. Every parent knows the feeling.

  2. I have been through so simmilar a situation. It was my wife I coudl not reach and heard sirens…. brought that back so clearly. Wonderfully written

  3. prosey says:

    Oh how well I know these cascading feelings (and was previously married to the military for 12 years ~ ex is medical, we lived near hospitals at every installation, so…yeah *shudders*)


  4. Jay Walker says:

    What parent doesn’t know these feelings? I get them way more than I’d like. My kids are 13 and 16 and letting have a bit more freedom as the age is one of the hardest things on my nerves.

  5. Allison says:

    So glad you posted a link to this on PZ’s comment thread (shameless self-promotion isn’t always a bad thing). Found the PT article thoroughly infuriating and the comments to it on PT’s site even more so. But, if it means I have a new atheist parent connection, even if just in the virtual world, it’s worth the tooth-grind.

    Cheers from Los Alamos, NM.

    • Brick Window says:

      Thanks for clicking my shameless self-promotion, Allison. I can use all the parent friends I can get. 🙂 I bookmarked your page, and am looking forward to reading your blog and getting to know you.

  6. chipcherry says:

    My kids are still young, but I do know what you mean. While false, the comfort in prayer must be rather…um… comforting? I can’t say I know what it feels like, as I’ve never been religious, but it must be nice to give up your knowledge that randomness rules our world at least once in a while.

    • Brick Window says:

      Thanks for coming on board, Chip, and I am glad to finally share this with you.
      When I sent the link to this post to you, I thought, his kids are still little, but I know for a fact that he will be feeling this in a blink of an eye. Enjoy the tykes now, for they turn to teens overnight. And as I am sadly experiencing this summer, adults just as quickly.

  7. chipcherry says:

    BTW, to mirror what others have said, this was well written!

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